Limos or Llamas? Is This An Era of Homogenization U? Or Am I Just a Negative Nancy?
First, a sorry to all my friends, past, present and future, by the name of Nancy.
So can I let you in on a few things that have popped onto my radar the last, oh, 6 months?
The majority of my current coaching clients are enrolled in significant trainings with other mentors/coaches, these high-end trainings costing thousands of dollars.
Yet they aren’t in the higher-end mastermind programs of those same trainers/mentors/coaches. They are coaching with me, at my additional fees, for various reasons, or so they say, but we use the material these others provide in their various expertise-based programs, and we implement into a business system of their creation.
Not so weird. That’s coaching. Except for…how many of these kinds of clients there’ve been this year and, sorry to say, how often I hear ‘I enjoy learning their content but I’m shocked by what these gurus are doing when it comes to charging small business owners like me big money for their mentoring.’
‘Please tell me Andrea, do I have to do it like that? Tell me I don’t have to become THAT in order to succeed.’
A little discontent is to be expected, and I don’t exempt myself from that. If I’m going out on a limb with clients, things don’t always work out perfectly! But what pricks my ear is questions like these, topics for coaching, being brought up:
- “The business models that are being taught – is that the only way to succeed? Doing it that way feels like I’m just another sheep in a crowd! And/but I don’t want to say anything in public, that would be sacrilege.”
- “The prices that are being charged by these trainers, and we’re being taught to charge, sometimes 6 figures just for group coaching, and not even 3 sessions a month…is there something off about that or is it just me? It seems inflated somehow, but I guess if everyone’s doing it, it’s okay?”
- “The personal values being modeled…being successful doesn’t mean limousines to me, yet everyone gets so excited by that Hollywood celebrity stuff. What if I want to live on an island with dirt surrounding me, fresh heirloom vegetables and an alpaca by my side? Can I hold a retreat where my participants get to milk a llama as the big door prize?
- “Where is the mentoring program for people with my values and why when I try to stick it out in one of the existing programs, do I have to feel wrong about being different?”
- “I’m scared, Andrea. I feel like we’re getting homogenized.”
And therein lies the rub.
Long-time readers will recognize this chestnut from me. Anyone who says (or suggests) there is only one right way to do things, is not okay with me.
As trainers and coaches, thought leaders all, the only constant truth – in my opinion – is that our job is to help others learn how to know what’s best for them. Showing a path that works is fine. Teaching by modelling. Using examples. That’s all great.
But not being clear that this is just one way to do things, isn’t, not in my book. Are you catching what I’m pitching? Is this uncomfortable to you at all? Because it is for me too.
I don’t think it’s enough to say ‘people should know to think for themselves without me telling them that.’
They don’t always, that’s why coaching is (1) such delicate inner surgery and (2) such a great responsibility!
I don’t think it’s okay to say ‘you shouldn’t learn from other sources, only learn from me.’
Putting precious gray matter into preformed molds …that’s criminal, in my book.
But, you know, as esoteric this line of thinking may be…
I know the ultimate responsibility lies with the individual. So I write posts like this that are designed to say
‘Hey, it’s okay to disagree with the prevailing wisdom.’
‘It’s great to decide to do something completely different from everyone else.’
‘There ARE other ways, many ways, to financial and meaningful success.‘ A llama ride would be right up my alley, actually, and I can see a world, post self-help bubble when llama rides could be the next limousines…but that’s for another day.
I give myself permission to be sad, that sometimes people don’t have the support they need to think thusly for themselves. Sad and a little cynical.
Your thoughts on this? Am I just a negative Nancy? A dread Cassandra?
Aside: In case it needs saying – let me be clear that this isn’t greed or jealousy talking. I’ve been rather tough with myself on that, examining. I don’t think it’s misplaced ego or the desire to tear others down, either. All I’m asking for is more open-minded thinking, more individual thinking. Less unquestioned, oddly Borg-like behavior. More celebrating of individuals.
Speaking of the latter, time for me to wrap up, and over to you. Thoughts?
What a breath of fresh air. As one of your individual clients, you know this is something I have struggled with – wondering if I had to charge $20,000 a day (or more) for mentoring to be successful. After all, I certainly want to make money. Yet at times I worried that my resistance to charging so much was my own lack of ambition or insecurities or, just maybe, flat out jealousy. Thanks for telling everyone what you often tell me “Define your own measures of success.” Once again, Andrea, your thought leadership continues to enlighten and encourage. Thank you – thank you.
Hi Andrea, thank you for highlighting this topic.
I’m prepared to go Nancy-er and say that coaches don’t exist to tell clients what to do. Yes, there are somewhat directive coaching styles (which some might call consulting), but the “Golden Rule” (meaning one way = my way) is not part of my coaching book. “Treat others the way _they_ want to be treated” is especially true when it comes to coaching across cultures, and that’s the business I’m in. Anyway, here’s what I wanted to share:
Another member of my mastermind group recently calmed my nerves (or: gave me an excuse to procrastinate further) when he said that growing a business is a process that goes through various stages and takes a varying amounts of time. I came to the conclusion that I was stressing out over how not successful enough I was, because I received coaching for (or rather, am drawn to the details of) a different stage than the one I’m truly in. Does that make sense? Using your example, if I’m not comfortable charging what other people suggest I should, maybe that means I need to spend some more time with me covering the basics, and less with others on concepts that are too far ahead. Not that I’m dissing the idea of mentors, role models, or having big visions, by no means, but striving for too much too soon also has consequences. As does comparing myself to people who are not my peers. Yet.
Humility? Insecurity? Laziness? Whatever the reason, if the shoe doesn’t fit right, it’s my choice to get blisters or go barefoot.
Cheers, Dee
Juicy post Andrea! I have heard a lot of people talking about this but few willing to do so in public.
I actually had a realization last night why this bothers me. Other people can charge whatever they like, it’s none of my concern. Everyone signs up on their own free will. So why did it bug me so much?
The reason that it bugged me is because similar to the poster above I realized I was comparing myself to them and thinking I couldn’t be “successful” unless my one-on-one rates were super high. Thinking others would judge me as small or less than if my rates were lower.
BS!
I can charge whatever feels good to me and my clients.
Casey, Dee, lovely points. And both of you are great examples of walking the talk, successful each in your own way, VERY, right?
I’m grateful for the ability to say these things out loud with your company!
Nice call on the BS, @lkr
The thing about charging lots is pretty easy to track, as I think about it, see what you think.
First, we have the memes of Seth Godin and Hugh McLeod, laying the foundation that in order to be a thought leader, or successful in an information marketing business, we don’t have to have huge lists of readers. We can have small groups of people who learn from us and benefit from what we have to offer. These small tribes can be as few as 1000 people.
Second, we have the continuing infatuation with earning a million dollars. This has truly become the IT thing to be, as covet-able now as it used to, when it came to refrigerators or TV sets. Wow! Everyone wants it.
So that’s two big assumptions, right? Assuming someone sort of believes these things, that means that to build a seven figure business with fewer people, you naturally have to raise your fees. There are only 3 ways to grow your revenue (thank you once again, Jay Abraham) increase (1) the number of customers (2) increase the price of your offerings or (3) increase the frequency with which the customers buy your offerings.
Say you have a tribe of 1000. They each have to buy something that’s $1000 to make a million. Trouble is, it can be more work to achieve that than, say, to have 100 people buy something at $10,000. Or, let’s say 10 people buy something at $100,000.
When you’re building a business selling things for $100 or $200, you need more people to buy those things. And you know what, Laura, that is a totally awesome way to do things. Or, you might set your own measures of success, and decide a million isn’t the game you want to play. Love that too!
According to one of my biggest mentors in life, Thomas Leonard, ‘People do what they do because they have nothing more compelling to do.’
I think someone should write a post about compelling games to play, other than or in addition to earning a million dollars. Anyone?
Here’s where I stumble: If what draws people to coaching is the intrinsic truth that each person has their own truth, it is inevitable that this shift will in fact make the need for coaching obsolete. The coaching profession has struggled with it’s own identity for some time now and what I’ve seen over and over is that the money seems to be in the teaching. Even universities looking to increase enrollment and retention numbers are beginning to add coaching programs to their curriculum offerings, something I wonder if they would do if there wasn’t money in it. What happens once everyone finally ‘gets it’ and starts living their truth no longer needing someone else’s suggestion or model or permission to do so? Will coaching as we know it today, end or morph? Who shall reap the benefits of a change in consciousness, the one who teaches the awakening or the one who awakens?
Thanks as usual Andrea – for telling it like you see it and in a brighter, light from a truly curious angle. Having been part of big ticket programs and workshops I have realized that it’s up to me, one size doesn’t fit all and no one ever said it really would. Snake oil gets in there somehow if I don’t take responsibility. I am grateful to the community, many tools and so much material I have benefited from and some I may never look at. I am getting closer and closer to figuring out what’s right for me and then getting a coach to keep me honest and on track – and to provide the blind spot info. I am building something and it is growing.
As far as who shall reap the benefits? Whoever awakens – be that the teacher (hopefully) pointing the way or the student. Sachitananda said: the sinner and the saint are merely exchanging notes.” Maybe the teacher and the student are merely exchanging notes (?) – co -dependence. I I love the idea of everyone plugging into their intrinsic truth and flying. I’m not worried that it will happen any time really soon and perhaps if they won’t need me in the same way – I won’t need them. I see coaches as wayshowers for many on this journey. Which we are really all on together. Ii will think about you’re pointing to teaching and that meaning there’s money. Thank you.
Thank you for this.
I found out last weekend that I’m charging 1/10 (yes, that’s one tenth!) of what one of my competitors charges. I was flabbergasted.
Admittedly, I’ve been thinking about raising my fees. But I can’t EVER imagine pricing myself at that level. For one thing, the people I love to work with – the people whom I can really help – couldn’t ever afford that (or shouldn’t!). Why would I want to price myself out of working with the people who are my most favourite, most fun clients?!
I am so grateful for your work, Andrea, and for all who have written the thoughtful posts above. As a beginner creating a coaching business, listening to so much talk from a barrage of coaching voices about making 7 figure incomes has caused me much discomfort (not necessarily a bad thing, I know); and it causes me to search my soul to discover that delicate balance between not undervaluing myself and my services, and over valuing what leading coaches earn and how they do so. It is very helpful to read such intelligent, thoughtful insights posted by others more experienced and articulate than I. It is my dream to fly free from bondage to money, to doing things only a certain way and from the fetters of my own fears. Oh, and even better, . . to help others do the same.