The client came for coaching to help with the growth of her quite successful business. Why is the coach trying to find a way “in”. Surely that IS the way in.
That is where I would start, finding out exactly what she wants for her business, working within the coachees paradigms and gradually, unobtrusively invite the idea of longer term goals without using that language.
If the client is still resistant just keep working on weekly (or whatever) sessions and keep it fresh and moving forward.

As a coach I want to work with my clients to help them see their own best selves. In order to do that we must allow them their own personal growth. When the client is comfortable, in perfect harmony with the coach I think this “problem” will dissipate naturally. She did seek out coaching after all.

As coaches we often try to “do” too much in order to give value and sometimes we just have to step back and let the process flow in rhythm with the moment.

As a couple of others have already stated, baby steps are the answer.

Joan

I’m not a coach, but this question intrigued me. The client is allegedly “not a planner.” This gives the illusion that she’s standing still, but she’s actually still moving.

The difference is that in NOT planning ahead, she’s letting the moment carry her forward – instead of being in the driver’s seat.

If she planned ahead, she’d be equipped with the necessary means to turn the circumstances in her favor.

Being impulsive about everything means essentially being unprepared. You can still go with the flow… but isn’t it better when you’re a strong swimmer?

Just some thoughts from a copywriter!

All the best to you and your client,
Gabriele Reign

1) Break down the areas of change into smaller bites. My experience is that my clients all have lots of things to change in their lives…but HUGE changes create overwhelm, ‘scaring’ the client into frozen mode. So we work on choosing which one (which area, problem, etc) we’ll work on first. Within that one area, we’ll break that down into baby steps, identifying what may be stopping those baby steps from being achieved. It seems to take time, trust (in the process, and in themselves)and some real work on accountability…I’ll always check in often on this client, knowing they need more help than some others might.

Secondly, I’ve noticed that sometimes my choice of words may be the thing that stops them! “Routine” can be uplifting for some, and a lead weight for others. Maybe “plan” weighs her down…”map”, “journey”, etc. may not hold connotations that depress her. As you and your client find positive cues for her situation, always checking in with her as to how she feels about these changes, I think you may help her find that key to her ultimate successes.

Hence I would ask her what sort of actions she could take ‘in the moment’ each day that would move her towards her goal. Just look for samll actions and particularly actions that help develop habits that will help her acheive the goal.

Try and make it fun and light.

Tessa

I understand how you feel, I’ve felt this way as well and I think I’ve found a way to help your Client out.

There might be a lot of reasons why she’s having a hard time planning ahead; don’t get me wrong, but sitting down and writing down our goals sometimes is as fun as having a root canal.

I’m going to go on the edge here, and offer a solution that might be just what the doctor ordered, and that’s also helped some of my Clients as well.

Let me tell you a story…

One day I sat down to try to set some goals for myself, I remember looking at my watch and seeing it was 8 in the morning; I must have entered the twilight zone at that point, because when I looked at my watch again, it was 5 in the afternoon and I was still sitting there and a blank page was staring right back at me, its horrible beady eyes drove a cold chill down my back.

Rather than getting discouraged, I started to think of a way out of my conundrum. That day my son had been playing out in the yard with a big cardboard box, and as I looked at it, it suddenly hit me.

I realized that I had been living in a box for quite some time, but I also saw how easy it was to step out of it and start doing things differently. A world of opportunity was suddenly open to me. Full of energy, I sat back down again and here’s what I did…

I started writing my tomorrows; I started to describe what my next day was, what it felt like, how it smelled, how it looked, how grateful I was with what the day had brought me. I was ecstatic, I was free to explore whatever possibility I wanted and I knew there were no limits to what my imagination could muster.

When you think about it, there’s no real reason why we can’t write our own future; it just takes waking up our creative genius, and he’s always there waiting for us to let him loose.

Our subconscious minds don’t really make a difference between how we describe reality and how we perceive it; it just gives us what we’re asking of it. So why not describe it with some flair? What this does is give our minds a clear description of what we want and then it will set out to shape our world just how we’re asking of it.

There’s a million ways of how we can take advantage of this technique, I have full trust in your abilities to find them.

Let’s face it, circumstances are always changing, that means that we have to keep adjusting our mental maps that define our goals and aspirations.

It’s much easier to remain flexible and go with the flow than to push against it. Sometimes finding our goals takes time, and with every tomorrow that you write, you get one step closer to knowing what they truly are.

Harmony and Peace,

Jean-Paul

Planning isn’t appealing to her, so find out what will appeal. I’d look for ways to start giving her meaning and satisfaction right now, to give her a kickstart and focus on what she *does* want (rather than what she doesn’t). What would more money give her or allow for her? What would a “love life” look like and what elements of it does she already have – or could she have – and what is she doing to pursue it/them?

Finally, you could outright ask her if she realizes that she’s resisting making any changes (if she indeed is, or is that only your take on the matter?) from your perspective, and see what she says. Some people don’t realize that they’re just looking for someone to confirm that it’s impossible for them to change, and they need a “mirror” to reflect their resistance back to them. Only then do they see what they’re doing, and it usually opens them up to new possibility

Thanks for all the great take aways, everybody. I’m really, really pumped.

And Andrea – thanks for putting the question out for collective collaboration. There’s nothing like it…

Lissa

If it is something for the client, then I suggest you start with where she is – go to her map of the world. Set her an exercise to spend one whole day doing no planning at all, absolutely NONE. She must then write down every instance when she did plan despite her claim. How did she get out of bed and dress for the day? How did she find her way to work? Fill the car? Do the shopping? Cook a meal?

Second exercise – where else in her life does she have longer range plans? Does she insure her home? What about her life? Savings and investments? Kids? Holidays?

Once she has evidence of having planned and the useful outcomes it can generate then it will be easier for her to move forward and you can work with her to whatever end she desires.

Well you could, couldn’t you…?

Paul

“I have a client who doesn’t like to plan.”

When I see this, it causes me to ask the client the question, what does planning mean to you. There is an interesting balance between living in the moment and being completely present and accomplishing the tasks that move you closer to what you desire. Planning is one of those tasks-
stay with me here this gets a bit tricky . . .

“She is definitely living in the moment, yet she doesn’t like her situation – money, love life, business – she’s even unhappy with herself physically.”

How do you know she is living in the moment?

If someone’s focus is on what they don’t like, they are also not likely to truly be in the moment. To be truly in the moment is to recognize the perfection of the moment and to be happy in that perfection. Then the things that could be more perfect are somehow transformed to the realm of what would be even better or preferences.

Teach her to create the environments that support her in her definition of perfect. Ask her to tell you what would be better in each of these areas -what would she reach for if she could paint the canvas any way she desired? So, instead of her focus on what she doesn’t like have her tell you how she wants it to be in her perfect world.
When someone is down on who they are the focus needs to be on rebuilding or building self esteem and self trust.

“How do I coach her when she resists planning ahead, even as far as a month or two?”

I would take my attention and focus off the resistance to planning and view that as a symptom of something deeper that is going on for her. Instead of making planning the focus of coaching go deeper.

Once she has stated what she truly desires in each area of her life, go deeper yet and ask what will you have when you have this? Why is that important. You are looking for the energy of passion and depth and be sure she has herself in the equation. This exercise can elicit hidden fears, these are usually related to the fear of the unknown–the illusions of possible consequences of change.

“She says she wants help building her business which is speaker training, and her business is doing ok as far as it goes – six figures, just.”

She is her business and until she addresses the
issues in her life that she has negativity about, it is going to be difficult to address business growth. The how to grow the business will flow organically and naturally out of the evolution from the other areas-

and that brings us back to planning– I would chunk this way down to what one step can you now take that will move you closer to your desired end result– re-frame planning to the next step in each area.

I hope this helps

Let’s open the door and ask this fantastic question: What would you like to have happen…?

The first and powerfull question of a coaching process that is called Symbolic modelling using Clean language. Help your client self model her pattern and discover a resource of transformation. A change in a part of a system affect the whole. You will find plenty of resources on this site: http://www.cleanlanguage.co.uk
that will convince you to stay clean with your clients and work with them elucidate their metaphoric landscape instead of imposing yours.

Instead I would focus on the fact that she is “unhappy” in her life – money, love, physically, etc. First, I would ask the client to identify a specific area in her life she wants to focus on first. If the client is unsure, I would elicit values and ask which area is most important in her life right now.

Once an area of life is identified in which she is unhappy, I would want to isolate further and ask … ‘what specifically is she unhappy about “x”?’ Depending on her answer, I may reiterate the question and ask what she is unhappy with regard to ___ (her prior answer).

Once we get a clear workable level of where she is unhappy, I would ask “how/why is that (the above answer) a problem in your life?” it is usually the “why something is a problem” that gets to the underlying driver of the “unhappiness” and is the real problem to focus on.

I would also want to know if there was ever a time she was happy with “x.” If there was, I would explore further the contrast between now and before. Look to find the differences making the difference between now and then and focus on how to bring more of those differences back in her life.

If there was not a time when she was happy with “x,” then I would explore (as mentioned in an earlier post), what is the benefit to staying in her current “unhappy” situation? the main reason, in my experience, why people stay stuck in a pattern is because they are gaining greater benefit (in their minds) from the “unhappy” situation than from changing.

I have found that secondary gains are usually caused by 1.) unmet needs; or 2.) values conflicts. Eg., someone may stay overweight and not exercise if they get a sense of safety or protection. Values conflicts can create gridlock in multiple areas of life. Eg., she feels like that time for exercise will take away or conflict with growing her business. It’s an “either or” mentality. With this, I would help the client find a way of doing both.

Before I got into any discussion of solution or action plan, I would first ask 1.) if the client truly wants to make a change now; 2.) what is the change or desired outcome; 3.) what will that change do for her life; and 3.) on a scale of 1-10, how committed is she to making the change? If not a 10, what is getting in the way?

I make no assumption about whether people want to make a change, even if they complain about their lives. I make no assumption, even if a client says they want change, what is their commitment level to the change. If it is not a 9 or 10, in my experience. the change is not going to happen and/or stick and we need to focus on what is blocking the commitment level. So the action step would all depend on the answers to the above.

My final comment … if the client has been unhappy with her life for a while and it seems to be driven from past trauma, unresolved deep emotional issues, etc., I would suggest that she see a therapist, or if chronic depression, a doctor.

It is possible that a personality test such as the Myers Briggs Type Indicator may help her to understand how she expresses her world view and act as a validation that she is not alone and not ‘wrong’ in wanting to live for the moment. An acceptance of where she is at will allow for her to move forward, maximising her strengths, and being aware that she can draw on other aspects of her personality as well to find greater balance.

Helping her to understand her values and motivations, and linking these into her needs may also set the scene for looking at the more specific areas she is unhappy with in her life. Are these because her values are not being fully expressed or honoured? Are her needs being acknowledged or put aside because her motivation is to please others? Is she held back by a perfectionist approach which is paralysing her, afraid to plan and act in case she fails to do it ‘properly’?

Gentle questioning can help to uncover what she sees as her perfect life and how she thinks she might be able to achieve it.

Is she afraid to plan and begin to change because she isn’t clear on what it is she really wants? Is she trying hard to move away from what is not fulfilling, or is she drawn to move towards something which may be fulfilling? Gaining clarity in what she wants to achieve, maintain, eradicate or avoid in her life gets to some of the specifics and puts in place a framework in which to make decisions about what she actually wants her life to be like.

Investigating the benefits that will come with each of these things gives a compelling reason to actually start to put some very basic plans into action. Getting an overall idea of the desired result and what that will bring her, then breaking it down into easy small steps is the way to go. Any plan should be a framework to support her, not a rigid structure which will restrict and discourage her.

Concentrating on one thing at a time will be less overwhelming and will allow her to see concrete results that will encourage her to keep going. Taking those tiny steps and acknowledging and celebrating each small success will also build a sense of capability and confidence that planning can work for her and that it can be effective and worthwhile.

Finding out what has worked for her in the past and building on it also puts the power back in her own hands. Looking honestly at the things that usually trip her up will help to put some contingencies in place to deal with them.

Whooow – lots of stuff – but it isn’t a quick fix Building the relationship, getting to know the client and assisting her to get to know herself – it all builds the foundation for helping her achieve her own dreams.

I hope some of my ideas are of help. I’m down under in New Zealand and really value sharing with colleagues in other parts of the world.