Personal: I’m back from surgery | Talk about your decluttering! (Reader Discretion Advised)
With bright lights on the ceiling and a mask over my face, I smiled my last conscious breath in. It would be the last thing I remembered for 3 hours – how happy and calm I felt in that suspended moment! I breathed through the plastic as I thought of people around the world, at home playing loud music, dancing like it was their last dance on earth, and thinking loving thoughts as my surgery began. That was June 27.
For all your energetic well-wishes, I thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart.
Cut to today. It’s six weeks later, and I’m back at my laptop, happily tapping away. Much like my inbox, engorged with 2800 emails earlier, now culled down to 250, I’m quite considerably de-cluttered as well! In the end, Dr. Scott removed nearly two pounds of fibroids from the fundal (bottom) side of my uterus. (I did say reader discretion, right?) Two pounds…that’s two big blocks of butter worth – a bit of a shock, even to my surgeon.
So what is the state of Planet Andrea, post surgery? While physically my recovery has gone heavenly well, emotionally there’s been some Sturm and Drang (cue the Wagner please.) But I’ve found some inner peace I think, at least enough that I can compile a coherent Top 3 Personal musings-for-the-moment, for what they are worth.
(1)”Yes to All” was a good decision.
You may recall I had difficulty deciding whether to have surgery or not – the coin kept landing on its edge. In the end I decided to say yes to everything that seemed like a step forward. I said yes to acupuncture and yes to surgery. I decided yes to continuing to try to conceive and yes to beginning adoption.
When Dr. Scott opened me up, they found more fibroids in me than detected by ultrasound, a lot more. The surgery took twice as long as planned and in recovery I was given both units of blood I’d donated previously for that purpose. As she described what she saw in the operating room, Dr. Scott was succinct “I can’t see how a pregnancy would have…it was good you had them (the fibroids) out first.”
My lesson affirmed? Sometimes the answer to ‘how’ really is ‘yes.’ Especially when you’re really stuck deciding on something, see if ‘yes to all’ is an answer that works.
(2) It’s never too late to make friends with mom.
At the top of the list of gifts during my time off was this: In my second week of recovery, mom came to stay. Surprise, she didn’t force me to endure humiliating sponge baths and increasingly shrill “mother-who-was-a-nurse-and-sees-her-chance” lectures. Instead she made me laugh altogether too much having just had staples removed. She made congee and helped me remember Taiwanese things in the kitchen, and when she left, I was sad.
My general musing on this? Physically, things can get ‘stuck’ for a reason. What’s the real reason something (anything is happening) in your body?
“I wonder if there’s something I’m not hearing.” – Thomas Leonard, on the 4th day of an ear infection
Maybe, just maybe, the body really is a printout of the mind. Maybe my stuck spots with my mom were removed when my fibroids were removed. Or my fibroids were removed successfully because I’d decided to move from resistance to my mom to…acceptance (with boundaries.) It may even be that I’m ready to be a mom now, having found a new respect for mine. [Oh yes I do hear you nodding.]
(3) There’s more to doing ‘nothing’ than meets the eye.
I’ve discovered that six weeks off has a way of changing you permanently no matter what. My thoughts are flowing differently, my life-pace has a different rhythm. I’m clearer about what’s important to continue to do with my days and minutes, and more open to having no idea what’s supposed to happen long term.
Suggestion: When you next have a physical change-up in your life (big or small) try to see it as a milestone of some sort. Perhaps even a ritual. Allow it to create space in your life – that may be a big part of why the physical thing is in your life! [Will someone please tell a joke about how a headache after meeting with a particular person is a hint - not for you to take an aspirin, but to remove that person from your life? ]
For me, the experience of having surgery has definitely been a life decluttering on a massive scale. I’m grateful to everyone around me who’ve given the biggest gift ever: the space and freedom to not know, do nothing, experiment, and evolve. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
So….more musings as they unfold, woven into less personal posts than this. 
One thing’s for sure – there’s lots of fun activity ahead. New self-published books. Very possibly a mainstream published book or three, with accompanying businesses to back those up. More conversation about what’s next, opening the box, breaking the box and telling the truth. Oh and intellectual property, things that may make you think and/or laugh – and much less now on nuts and bolts re: multiple streams.
I hope you’ll stick around, apply what’s useful, and join me in throwing out whatever’s not!!
[Photo: My dear husband Mike, mom and I on my 2-weeks-post-surgery celebration dinner at the Broken Plate in Calgary. Underneath the bright exterior, I'm celebrating my first scar, a 7-incher. Is this what it feels like to be a piggy bank? I have new empathy for stuffed toys with their tag's torn off...]
Andrea,
I’m so glad you had the surgery and are recovering so well. And bravo for all your learnings. I’ve been there and have come to realize much later in life than you, the beauty in all things, all experiences, even those that seem so desperately NOT positive. Being given the opportunity to learn from pain is one of the great advantages of being human.
Andrea,
I am so very grateful for this showing up in my inbox today. I recently had a rather large medical ‘hit’ in my own life.
In addition to the physical problems there was the small matter of paying for the repairs. (cost lots of money – at times like this I say ” Shoulda stayed in Canada!! – but…).
And today, several months later, I am in the best physical shape I have been in since I was in my mid-30s … (I will be 60 next month.)
However I am also on the most precarious financial ground I have been on since then too. In fact, yesterday I lost an opportunity to get into something that would have been a return for me to some spiritually juicy activities that I have been away from for almost 8 years. I simply didn’t have the bucks, and someone else came along who did… (I used to fly for a living – and for fun – and a deal came up on a small airplane last week that looked sooooo promising – but the other guy laid down real money first.)
Anyway, I moaned for awhile overnight, and this morning, unwilling to give up wallowing in this dismal self-pitying place. Just before I read your piece, I was sitting with my dog on the back step and realized that I am hugely relieved of many things that I was packing around just last year, not least of which was 30lbs excess weight. I had an immense feeling of gratitude come over me, for my life, for my dog, for my wife, for my kids (not necessarily in that order!)
Then, not quite willing yet to stray too far from the dismal, I managed to convince myself that I was just doing the “think positive” routine because that is what I am ‘supposed’ to do – I’m coaching myself… and saw through it and the resulting feelings as being just a result of my own brilliant Energy Coaching “techniques”. (But truthfully, I never do that kind crap with my clients … just with myself!)
Anyway to cut this whole thing short (and thanks for the opportunity to go on a bit ) I started up my computer and read ” I’m back from surgery…. ”
Thanks my dear. I needed that! (Picture a heroine in an old movie, slapping the hero upside the head when he’s in a funk and she is fed up with his whining!)
Cheers,
Kerry
Andrea,
So glad to hear you are on the mend!
And thank you for your suggestion of “when you next have a physical change-up in your life (big or small) try to see it as a milestone of some sort. Perhaps even a ritual. Allow it to create space in your life”
I’ve been dealing with the frustration and reduced mobility of a torn ankle tendon, and your suggestion is a new and inspiring idea for me to consider.
Andrea,
Delighted to hear you are recovering so well. You sound more than 2 lbs lighter. Thanks for sharing your body insights. As always, you are a gift!
Hugs,
Sylvia
Andrea – I loved hearing that all is well, loved your open description of you, your innards, your learnings and your passion – they certainly didn’t cut any of that out! Looking forward to hearing more of your musings,your learnings and your life discoveries.
Enjoy the journey to wellness. I had major surgery 2 1/2 years ago, and only now am beginning to appreciate how it has transformed how I live.
Oh, and by the way. The scars fade and turn white after awhile, and even better, I find I stopped caring that they are there
other than as a reminder of my learnings.
Warmly,
Marcia Dorfman
Andrea,
I really appreciated your candid account of the decision making process as well as your journal of the surgery.
I’m excited for you that you have completed the surgery and are preparing for motherhood!
Hugs to you!
Suzanne Holman
Andrea I am glad you are doing good and well A friend John
Andrea,
So glad to hear that you’re doing well on so many levels. And I have to say, I am impressed that you can go into surgery smiling and thinking loving thoughts rather than “Oh s—!”
Your life reflections are priceless – keep ‘em coming! I’ll be along for the ride no matter which direction you head.
Jen
Andrea, so glad to hear all went well with the surgery and that you are back and ready to roll. And I love your new insights on your relationship with your mom….^-^
Looking forward to whatever you come up with next cuz it’s always exciting!
Big HUG
Your post got me to thinking since I am in the midst of dealing with a malfuncting biliary duct (who knew that you could get so sick when that little duct from your liver to your small intestine does not work well)about what lessons I am supposed to learn from this experience.
Was it greater patience during my two week hospital stay or that this started on memorial day and the second surgery may not be until near holloween?
Was it celebrating walking 10 steps because I was only able to do four steps on the first day or that I was moved to a soft diet insted of ice chips?
Was it trust of my insticnts when two well respected surgeons totally disagreed on treatment plans? Was it my positive outlook that was tested as I waited over a week in the hospital for the pathology report to come back all clear?
Was it not to feel guilty that much of my business was put on hold? Was it my need to let go of my expectations about how quickly I should recover and accept that this illness is going to take some time to run its course?
I am sure that I could go on and on as I take more time to ponder this very useful question regarding what I have learned and continue to learn from this experience. I am glad Andrea that you provided the springboard for us all to acknowledge the importance of taking stock after events that may impact our journey.
Dear Andrea,
thank you for this post and for your reflection on the meaning beneath the obvious. I always appreciate that about your wriring and teaching – and I learn from your musings.
I hope your recovery continues smoothly and am thankful for the healing of relationships between moms and daughters.
Cynthia
************
Cynthia McKenna Counseling
http://www.cynthiamckennacounseling.com
Welcome back!
Susan
Andrea,
You truly are my Coaching Budda. Even though you just lost a couple pounds. . .
I am very much looking forward to what this this new season of your life will create for you and Mike. Selfishly, I’m also interested what you will undoubtedly create for the rest of us.
It sounds like the world should be put on notice that your about to explode with purpose, passion and dare I say it . . . Meaning.
You’re the best.
I look forward to catching up with you.
Ben
Andrea,
I really enjoyed your post today, thank you for being so open and honest about your experience. Three years ago I fell and shattered my femur. I was in the hospital for 10 days, had two surgeries and did not walk on my own for 6 months. Needless to say, I had lots of time to think, like you, especially for the first two months that I was confined to a hospital bed in my family room!
I had a very similar experience to you. I like how you put it about getting rid of the clutter. I was so overwhelmed with my business and my work essentially running someone else’s business as well – something I never should have taken on of course. Being stuck in bed and the accident in general gave me a new perspective. It happened for a reason, and I got a pretty clear message! I really took stock of everything I was doing and got rid of all the work that wasn’t in line with my values and what I wanted to do with my life. I wonder how much longer it would have taken me to get to that point without the very loud and clear message I was given!
Take care of yourself and thanks again!
Hi Andrea,
So glad to hear you are doing so well physically and that your time was so fruitful spiritually and emotionally. This came to me today same as your email with amazing info on how our DNA is not only a code for our bodies and the mind body connection and more.
http://inri.wordpress.com/2007/08/08/perhaps/
Hugs,
Marie
Aloha Andrea;
Glad to hear your surgery was successful and that you’re recouperating well.
I look forward to your newsletters, they’re helpful when I need a shove in the behind.
Mahalo, Wayna
Andrea,
I’m really glad that you’re recovering so well from your surgery. I think the point here is that you’re learning, and that’s the best gift you can get from life.I do believe every situation in life gives us the opportunity of finding something good in it.
I wish you the best
A big hug,
Patricia, from Buenos Aires
Andrea…glad all went well for you…one never knows what’s going to be on the inside when they go there.
What a generous way you have…sharing about something so personal and human. How many have faced surgery (myself included) only to find the gift of doing nothing and reconsidering one’s life? It takes a special person to get that.
and it sure is one heck of a way to take off pounds and go down a jeans size though isn’t it?
Dear Andrea- I did not know you had surgery and it is fabulous to know that all is well with you. It is so wonderful that you and your mother can renew again -all of the love between you. Life is sooooooo good! Everyday is a gift and we all need to cherish each and every day! I wish you a speedy recovery and enjoy! With best wishes, Debra
Andrea,
Thanks so much for sharing your insights with us! It really is true that everything is energy, and that includes our bodies and their various ways of coping with where our energy gets “stuck”!
I think this awareness is gaining momentum; when I first started my practice of identifying and releasing those inner blocks, it was laughed off as “woo-woo” to believe that we manifest physically what is going on energetically. Now, in the new science models, we are seeing research that confirms that our biology is created by our energetic orientations….it is fascinating and exciting stuff to work with!
Thanks again for your intimate sharing about your relationship with your mother…..gosh, how many of us are there that have come to the knowing we must accept (with boundaries) our bio-fams? I see it as a courageous act to be with someone that can trigger us so easily with compassion and discernment.
Blessings to you!
licia
http://www.liciaberry.com
Hi Andrea
Thank you for this post. My internet connection flipped out when I first received your e-mail, so I didn’t get to read it til today…ironically enough when I really needed it. For me, it’s ‘only’ a cold I can’t shake, but so far this has told me 4 things I wasn’t fully aware of.
Glad you’re back, and looking forward to what comes from this period of creation!
Love
Donna.x
After cancer surgery in January (out of work for a month) perspective is easier to come by!
Hi Andrea,
I friend sent me the above article. She sent it to me because I am going through the exact same thing. I have a fibroid the size of a large orange (8.5 cm in diameter). It grew to that size in the matter of 3 months. My husband and I are wanting to have a baby and I am in the process of looking forward to surgery and worrying about complications and a possible hysterectomy.
How are you now? Were you able to get pregnant?
I would love some encouragement…
Sheila