Love Long and Prosper | What Do You Love?
There were a lot of things we couldn’t do 40 years ago, and I don’t just mean call someone on a cell phone in the middle of a rainforest. 40 years ago today, I, a Taiwanese woman, would not have been able to marry Mike, my Irish/Scottish husband, at least in the US. To do so would have been illegal and real people served time in prison for this offense.
Of course, there are still certain types of marriages that are considered illegal.
It’s Loving Day today, the 40-year anniversary of the date the Supreme Court legalized interracial marriage in the United States.
Personally speaking, having been married in 1995 in Canada, Mike and I didn’t have to battle a legal system to express our love through marriage, though we did have to manage a little family disapproval. And we do face societal judgements on a daily basis. It’s not a huge dynamic in our lives and I’m not about to share any horrible racism stories. But it does get interesting from time to time when we discuss what school our multi-racial children might attend, in what neighbourhood.
In fact, I rather enjoy the fact that we’ve ‘loved against the odds.’ It’s gritty and sweetens our relationship in a special way that I think is true of all couples that have this ‘forbidden-esque’ element.
Call me biased, but I think it’s in the ‘mixing’ of anything that creates some of most of the interesting things in life. And where many great business ideas come from. Take….peanut butter cups as just one example. I for one can’t imagine life without interracial marriages, peanut butter cups and a whole host of other combinations! Call it my propensity for divergent thought. 
New combinations force us to:
- look at things with fresh eyes - new lenses through which to see
- review our assumptions and throw out the ones that no longer hold
- make room in the box in our head that maintains the status quo
- adapt and expand the conversation as new possibilities show up
In business, new combinations give rise to demand for services that don’t yet exist. Then, the opportunity to supply that demand must be met. New Demand + No Supply = Huge Business Opportunity. Suffice to say - new combinations of existing things are elixir in the business world - markets love them, the majority of the time.
What’s something you as a business owner love, that you think has nothing to do with your business?
What’s a hobby or vocation that you dally in ‘outside’ of your business sphere?
What if you married those things in a new combination and in doing so give birth to a new demand in the marketplace?
It’s been done before:
- Love of skateboarding + Ski School = Snowboarding
- Love of dogs + Childcare = Doggy Daycare
- Love of horses + Executive Coaching = Equine Assisted Leadership Training
What about:
- Romance Novels + Self-Help Books = Motivational Reading that you get aroused to and thus anchor your growth
- Coaching + Video Games = Situational Coaching in Real-Time Environments Via Computer
- Your example here?
Exercise: Describe a project you’re working on, or your business as a whole, and then add the words ‘and a frog.’
Examples: I train virtual assistants and a frog. My target market is lawyers in the state of Virginia and a frog. I write flash fiction, edit grant applications, write a blog and a frog.
Adding ‘and a frog’ helps exercise your ‘that’s ridiculous’ muscle so that you start to see slightly ridiculous combinations in a different light. If you do this enough you can start to see ridiculous things as almost normal. Everything and a frog start to become regular - except that the people around you haven’t done the ‘and a frog’ exercise so you become the most creative person among all your friends. 
The questions Loving Day make me ask go along these lines:
“Do I care about anything enough that I’d fight for the right to express it?”
“What do I love so much that I’d allow myself to be banished from my home for 25 years and go to court to fight for my right to love?”
Because that’s exactly what Mildred Jeter (black) and Richard Loving (white) did from 1958 to 1967 and that’s what Loving Day commemorates. Read the full story here.
Who knows what acknowledging and accepting new combinations of things is preparing us for…
Who knows what asserting ourselves for our deepest desires is creating in the world, really…
In a world where there’s very little new under the sun, I raise a glass to embracing new combinations of things.
Got a multiracial friend or inter-racially-married couple in your life? Send them to this resource page from the official Loving Day website. Ipride.org is especially cool.
Happy Loving Day everyone!
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Posted to: General| Personal
June 14th, 2007 at 11:01 pm
Wow, wow, wow, Andrea, thanks so much for sharing this! I, too, am in an awesome and loving interracial marriage (I am the Anglo one, and my hubbie is Navajo). We find so much richness in our combination, and it does expand our minds, and our hearts, to so much possibility in the world.
Our first little munchkin together, Josh, is often mistaken for being adopted Chinese. People have asked me in the grocery store “where does he come from?” to which I smile and point to my tummy. My favorite experience was the Chinese couple who stopped me (also in a grocery store) and asked ‘is your baby Chinese?’ They told me the life story of their daughter, who is obviously Chinese, who married an Anglo man, and had a baby who apparently looked exactly like my own son Josh. They also told me how worried they were that their daughter didn’t get married till almost 40 .. details I am sure she would be horrified that her parents were sharing with a complete stranger in the grocery store.
How humbling to think that just 40 years ago, people suffered great indignities and jailtime over loving each other.
I look forward to the time when ALL couples who love each other will have no blocks, legal or otherwise, to their marriage — gay, straight, interracial or whatever. Love heals, and that is what we need more of in the world.
Beautiful post!
-Pam
June 28th, 2007 at 7:28 pm
This is a wonderful post, but don’t be so quick to paint everyone in the United States with the same brush.
Interracial marriage was legal in most of the 50 states by 1967 - legal in 33 of 50, with the 17 where it was not legal all Southern states.
It was legal in the state of Pennsylvania as far back as 1780! My own interracial grandparents married legally in the state of Washington in 1940.
While it’s a crime that it took the rest of the country much longer to catch up, not every state in the Union had the same laws.
June 29th, 2007 at 5:52 am
Love is the power. And how fantastic that you bring this aspect of it to our attention. I wonder where I deny love due to social convention, even in small ways. Where do I stay in the closet due to my concerns of what family, friends or status quo may think, say or do? Where am I ripping myself off of the brilliant love that shines forth from me due to ideas of what others will think?
How do we know love is the power? When we deny it we suffer.
Thank you for shining brightly the love you are and focusing attention on the right to love as we do.
With Love,
Dale
June 29th, 2007 at 7:43 am
I am the product of interracial marriage the 1970’s in the Midwest. My mother is of Finnish descent and my father was African American and Native American. My mom had it very hard, but she was smart, never bitter, and handled ugly situations with poise and grace. I will never be ashamed of who I am or who I love because of her legacy.
I am also in an interracial marriage. My husband is mostly of Western European descent. I never thought about how my background could help me look at my business. Thank you for the valuable insight.
June 29th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
a - first off, i wish you ‘get well’.
secondly, just let me say that 40 years ago i wouldn’t have had the pleasure of knowing you and being blessed by your ’soul’ and it’s incredible impact on me and my business - and feeling as close to you as if we were sitting next to each other chatting!
i saw the loving day love story recently and wanted to mention it on my blog (whose focus is nurturing lesbian relationships - itself a topic that is about real flesh-and-blood people who are just asking for the opportunity to have all everyone else has), but being ‘info overwhelmed’ as usual, i guess i got caught up in something else and forgot.
i am SO doing what you are referring to in today’s post - my love of love has led me to create what i am doing today and i wouldn’t want it any other way. nothing is more pleasurable, meaningful and loving than reminding folks to stay on that lovin’ path….
xoxoxo, b
June 29th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Hooray for love! And a frog!
Thanks for your beautiful words and the terrific exercise which made me laugh out loud. Would you believe: on my homepage, right in my “elevator pitch” no less, are the words “and a duck”.
One wouldn’t think that adding a duck would do much for a “training people to release and replace their habits practice”, but people love the duck. And my business mentor always says, “trust the duck”.
To which I will now add: AND A FROG!
Thanks!
June 29th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
Thank you Andrea for reminding us of the beauty in diversity and the power of love to overcome prejudice.
I remember watching TV as a young girl when schools in the US south were being integrated and black people were registering to be able to vote. I couldn’t believe the hatred on the faces of the people jeering the young girl or the police unleashing fire hoses on the people registering.
We’ve seen do much good come to pass in the past 40 years and I trust it will get even better in the next 40. Your newsletter is a testimony to the value you provide and I salute you for choosing to love and marry your husband despite family disapproval.
Best wishes on a very speedy recovery from your surgery.
Now, I am going to think about how much I love coaching and a frog. LOL
Warmest regards,
Rosemary Heenan
June 29th, 2007 at 9:26 pm
Yes, there is a time to step up and live what you believe is yours to live - as a human being. Our differences are the unique qualities that bring about true peace when respected and loved. Sometimes the fight is in court, sometimes in your community, sometimes at your job, school, wherever there are “controller-bees” well you go through the fire — the amazing thing is, like gold, you become purer and stronger and more determined — so maybe the yukkies are simply there for you to exercise your right to be with — as in kick them out of your way, or walk over, or jump or leap or crawl, or cry or scream, or go to court — whatever it takes — be and live who you are.
June 30th, 2007 at 6:57 am
Andrea, what a beautiful story. When I was in my teens back in the 50s I fought for women’s rights. In the 70s I lived in Mississippi and fought for Civil rights. In 1990 our 17 year old son told us he is gay. He had already been with his partner for at least a year and we just thought they were good friends. Then when Canada legalized marriage they were married in Canada by the same clergywoman who performed the first same sex wedding in Canada. In many ways Canada is ahead of the United States. But the religious bigots in America are losing out thanks to people like you who challange the traditions of the past.
That’s why I like being a Life Coach so that I can help people overcome their traditions, fears, and inhibitions and become the people they were meant to be in the one universe.
June 30th, 2007 at 7:04 am
Andrea, your story reminds me of being in Mississippi in the 70s. I was advisor for our international students. The Chinese group was very close knit and very supportive of one another - until - a Chinese student from the mainland came to Mississippi State. That lone Chinese student was totally rejected by the other Chinese. Another time a student from India who was from a different cast than all the other Indian students was totally orstrasized to the point where he continually thought of suicide. I had to get his sponsor to get him out of Mississippi before he went through with his threat of suicide. Seeing what people like you do to lift up one another is very rewarding. Keep up the good work.
June 30th, 2007 at 8:06 am
Wow #2. I love this idea of combining two things we love. Like the old Reese’s peanut paddy commercial — someone who loves peanut butter runs into someone enjoying their favorite chocolate and presto, a new candy bar is created.
It’s also what I did back around 1994. I loved coaching (and still do). I also loved the idea of people knowing their purpose. Both coaching and clarity of purpose had made a huge difference in my life, so I combined them and became one of the first life purpose coaches in the world. And have never regretted it.
Now… what’s next? What’s the next love combination? Hummmm, good pondering ahead.
BRAD
July 2nd, 2007 at 11:29 am
Great post!
I found your blog through Kim Nishida’s Blog. My husband and I are an interracial combination as well. I am white and my husband is Asian from Nepal.
We have learned so much from each other about our different cultures. It has been an amazing union and we always remember to remind our two little younguns the role Dr. Martin Luhter King, Jr. played in their being born.
Indeed, let us all now have a dream that all loving couples, no matter their race, sexual orientation, culture, or anything else be allowed to marry each other.
Interracail/gay/intercultural/interfaith/inter… marriage and a Frog. I like the sound of that!
Rachel
July 5th, 2007 at 5:36 pm
Andrea,
I am just now reading this, as I have been out of the country. My husband and I have been married for 31 years and dated before then for 6. He is a muslim, Iranian, CEO with a PhD in microelectronics. I am an Air Force brat who lived most of my life in Japan, Baptist, with a BA in Journalism and am now a coach. We have weathered every possible challenge you can image from the Iran hostage crisis in 78 to the Islamic revolution and fall of the Shah, immigration, the total turning of all friends against us (save one) from our marriage. We have modeled how it can work and where the balance of these two very different cultures comes together to make a happy home, life styles and relegious beliefs comingle. Our friends are not whom you would think. They range from clergy to prime ministers to CEOs and celebrities. We flow with ease in and out of every class of acquaintances and are at ease at a Yankees Baseball Game or a State Dinner in another country. We do have two beautifl daughters. When people see them they comment always at the beautiful mix in their faces and their Persian names which suit their temperments perfectly. They are both very accomplished in their own right and grown and very successful. We have been blessed many times over. My “ideal client” is the naturalized forgein national with an advanced degree who is challenged by the lifestyle and cultural adaptation while living in the world of doing business in the US. I speak their language and I know exactly where they come from and I get great results due to my personal life walk.
Janice