A Library of Pink Spoons

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Learn the 5 Keys to Reaching Seven Figures in Business, for
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In  July 2005, we held a three part Coaching Day Jobs R&D series
that explored the idea of working in a ‘traditional’ day job and continue to serve as a coach:
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Every Body is Talking | A Physical Awareness Exercise for Bright People

Among several insights into bright people, there is one I’m ‘hot’ on right now.

Many bright people tend not to be very physically aware. Some of them are actually completely exited from their bodies. They are the epitome of ‘you’re moving around that meat sack of yours around, but no one is home.’

More on the whys and such at another time. For now I wanted to share a very precise exercise that can be done anywhere with one other person. (You don’t even have to really know them or like them to do it either.)

The point of the exercise is to assess where you are in your body; become aware of how physical self in a way that gives you mental insight (your main way of understanding things…thus, forging a new link between mind and body) AND begin to understand some of the psychological things behind why you behave the way you do in your business and life.

If you have asked yourself:

- Why you have difficulty asking for what you want.
- Why you have difficulty receiving what you’ve asked for.
- Why you may be afraid to build relationships.
- Why you may stay in relationships that are not supporting you any longer.

Or…any question or curiosity or concern you may have about how you relate to other people…

…this exercise will be of interest to you.

I’ve used it in workshops, and, interestingly, several times over the phone, paraphrasing where needed, and asking the listener to do this exercise only in their ‘minds eye.’ For coaches with clients who you feel are spending an inordinate amount of time in their head, you may find this a good addition to your toolbox.

Credit for it goes to Christine Caldwell, author of ‘Getting Our Bodies Back’ a paperback book availalable in bookstores. [From Chapter 7, page 146-147, Exercise #3.]

3. Find a partner and stand facing each other. Slowly walk toward him or her and then away, sensing the point at which the distance feels too far or too near. First, you do the approaching and parting while your partner stays still. Next, have your partner approach you and move away. Then do it simultaneously.

What feelings and sensations arise?

Is it harder to get close?

Do you feel panicky when you get separate?

What about when your partner is doing the moving? Is it OK to let him or her go? Is it irritating when he or she gets too close?

Acknowledge and breathe into the sensations that arise. Find the right distance for right now and talk about this exercise with your partner. How does this remind you of other relationships you have had?

— end excerpt—

Our bodies are printouts of our minds. And each one of our bodies is talking to us, if only we’d listen.

Imagine a world where a mental or emotional problem was solved by asking the body what it wants!

Having spent a LARGe amount of my life exited from my body, and only now really getting to know thoroughly every cell that is the physical me, I suppose it shouldn’t be suprising I’m attracting clients in similar states.

What exercises, etc., do you use – for yourself or your clients – to help anchor into the physical realm?

Where might you use the above? Having tried it, what happened?

Controlling, Obsessive, Detail-Oriented Types | A movie for you

Every coaching season has its theme, at least it does for me, and right now it’s about how things can be much, much easier.

Lots of people have grown up to think hard work is what brings success, and as all our businesses grow, it can be really difficult to understand how you can possibly manage things – you are already busy every minute of the day and exhausted underneath it all.
Loosening this tangle begins with letting go – simple enough to say, difficult to really achieve, permanently anyway.

So we spend all sorts of time putting real life exercises in place to help. If you’re someone who has the ‘identity’ of a hard worker, and controlling things or being obsessively detail-oriented has been your ‘way of being’ until now, you may be wondering how to change.

[You cannot play big if you are drowning in details. You can't even begin to THINK big because your brain will shut down as a defense mechanism.]

[You can't be planning to reach 10,000 people in your niche market if it takes you half an hour to write one email. Or you can't get to bed because you are trying to answer all your emails.]

[You wouldn't be able to plan a new development, put the streets in the right spots, decide where the school is going to go if you spent an hour fussing over a pile of leaves in one of the back yards.]

So a lighthearted tool for you today, if you’re wanting to marinate a little deeper about letting go on an unconscious level. It just so happens using this tool will force you to stop working for a couple of hours, hehe!

One of my favorite movies features Bridge Fonda in ‘Point of No Return’ a remake of the French ‘La Femme Nikita’. In it, her character has a line that I want you to watch for, let wash over you (and begin seeping in). At one point in my own life I used it as a very real tool to help loosen my death grip on trying to get every single last detail ‘PERFECT.’

“I never did care about the little things.”

It’s a lovely line and I think coaches and aspiring coaches especially will enjoy the lovely little interaction between Fonda’s character and her mentor, as this wisdom is passed along.

In my opinion, everyone can loosen up a little more…

Note: Don’t rent La Femme Nikita the original French movie OR the DVD of the TV series by the same name. As far as I know, the line I’m most wanting you to see/feel/integrate doesn’t appear at all in either. It’s the English movie remake, called “Point of No Return” or “The Assassin” in some markets, that you want. Enjoy!

Shopping, Rethunk | A Practical Antidote

This statement wins the prize for Most Profound Insight on a Souvenir T-shirt, at least this summer:

“The best things in life aren’t things.”

And, as it happens, the same shirt took second prize, for:

“There are 2 ways to get rich, earn more money or want less stuff.”

Taken together, this is yoda-ish in its profundity, isn’t it? Which got me thinking about a thing I had fun sharing with Anna Dargitz the last time we visited in Denver, Colorado. I call it “Shopping, Rethunk.”

How do you resist shopping? [Do you try to resist it?]

We are all pretty plugged in people here, so we’ve all heard the stuff. You know, stuff along the lines of:

- People spend 25.6% more time at shopping malls than at church or with their kids, combined.
- 15.7% of the population of the US pays good money to put their extra ’stuff’ in storage or mini-storage.
- More than 50% of people have things in their homes that are still in their packaging that they haven’t used/played with/finished/started. (Perversely they have of course lost the receipt.)
- Also approximately 50% (not sure if they are the same 50%) will go to the mall this weekend anyway.

A lot of focus gets put on the media, the evil Gargamel role it has to play in generating and sustaining the crush to consume.

And while some of that is certainly warranted, I think there is something fairly innate about our basic desire to hunt things down (window shop); kill them (bring something to the register and have it stuffed into a plastic bag); and bring them home to eat (put them in our closet.)

Face it, deep down, we’re all just squirrels putting nuts away.

So…when you’re someone who eschews struggle in your life, yet you’d like to tone down the nut-hunting instinct, what can you do?

Here are 2 practical suggestions which really, really work. (They work even more over time, as you get used to them, but they work right away too.) Think of them as a practical antidote to shopping.

(1) Go shopping in your own house. reShop the items you know you have bought, but haven’t yet enjoyed.

If we’re all hunters or gatherers, let’s not fight it, shall we? Instead visit the corners of your own ’store’ and pull out the things you haven’t yet consumed. I won’t suggest you put them in a bag or write up a fake receipt or anything, but how about exclaiming over the packaging and reading the instructions?

Wait till your family has left you alone for a minute to coo over the slick casing or pretty colors, even. Then, consciously set to enjoying whatever the item is. It’s like a reverse garage sale. It all starts with raising the grain on the ’stuff’ you already have, but haven’t enjoyed.

Here’s a little something to get you going. On my list of things I’m looking forward to enjoying thoroughly:

- An IPod and new Bose speakers I got for my birthday in June…they’ve been sitting in my office. I know, crazy, right?

The thing you may not know about me is sometimes I like to savour things. And I love my new-old IPod. So here’s me playing with the settings and loading up songs. But I have yet to indulge in the delicious fun of playing it in my car. Or jogging. There is a world of enjoyment to be had here without going to the mall – again.

Other common things that belong in the ‘reShop’ category are: your CD collection, ’summer’ or ‘winter’ clothing boxes, sports equipment, craft project type things, interesting ingredients in your kitchen cupboards – figure out that can of coconut milk, wouldja?

You get the idea. Next time the siren song of the mall calls, try reShopping to satsify your desire for something ’shiny and new.’

(2) Go to the mall and pretend you are at a really cool museum.

This is a little different, so as usual, it’s probably best for me to convey this one with a story.

I am attracted a lot to color and touch; I especially like certain floral patterns, it’s a personal taste thing, and for whatever reason a particularly nice one will give me a smile just to look at it. So what I’ve taken to doing is, for example, picking up a skirt that delights me and carrying it around. Sure I pick up my size. But I don’t go to the changing room.

I just hang on to it, draped over my arm, and I keep window shopping. I touch, I ooh, I ahhh. I might put a couple things over my arm.

When I’ve finished browsing the department store, I then take another moment to enjoy the beauty of what I’ve been holding, and then…I put it back.

Yes, sometimes I say a tender goodbye, but not because I want to buy it and I’m depriving myself of it, just because I’m fond of it. A little nutty? Perhaps.

Anyway, I’m coming clean on this. I’ve been doing this for years and years. Until I discussed it with Anna, I hadn’t given it a name, but we now call it Museum Shopping.

You know when you go to a gorgeous museum and lust after what’s in it? But, you know you can’t have it, so you just enjoy it. You drink it in with your eyes. You breathe a little deeper because it activates your endorphins. You smile. You repeat this for a few hours and then leave, happier, a better person, even, than when you got there.

This is the essence of Museum Shopping. Enjoying the item in the department store while you’re in the store, taking your fill, and then leaving it there.

Because – speaking on a spiritual level now – if there is only one universal source of energy, that means everything belongs to everyone, doesn’t it? If we are all one, we already own the things we see. There is no ‘need’ to ‘have’ because we already do.

It’s like an extended ‘being’ or ‘belonging’ state with these things we call things. Make sense?

After all, it’s how we feel about the things around us that we covet so much, not the thing itself, right? (How you feel in the red cardigan that brightens your face, not the fact of the cardigan. Fill in your own example here.)

Mike and I do go to the mall, like everyone else. But before we give in, I often try reShopping first. And then, when we *are* at the mall, I enjoy it more like a museum, aquarium, or zoo (without the admission fee.)

Coming full circle, truly ‘the best things in life aren’t things.’ And by adopting and creating new ways to enjoy life without consuming per se, I think we bring ourselves back to what’s important.

Because as the sublimely ridiculous yet somehow-sensible comedian Steven Wright put it “You can’t have everything, where would you put it?”

“Shopping, Rethunk” is a series of thoughts-in-progress, so please contribute your practical antidotes to shopping at the comments link.

I believe we can create a body of work that supports refreshment. Refreshment from over-shopping.

Not that there’s anything wrong with wanting things! But let’s ask ourselves what we gain by acquiring more and more things. If by our desires we create our world, perhaps it would be fun to use our minds to create more non-things…

—-

Your help answering the following is appreciated as we develop more material on this subject. If one of these questions moves you, just click the ‘comments’ link to share. Or, just comment freely as you see fit. Thanks!

Is the topic of consuming less meaningful to you? Are you annoyed at feeling ‘in the grips’ of the consumption machine? Are you happy to collect more things and see it as the natural order in a world where the ‘law of attraction’ lives large?

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How to easily apply MBA principles to increase income, gain new clients and attain expert status.

http://www.clientabundance.com/businessconceptsforcoaches.htm

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